10 Real Couples Who Got Married During the Pandemic Shared Their #1 Piece of Advice

Insights from real experiences.

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Tips From Couples Who Hosted Pandemic Weddings

Tying the knot can be stressful enough without a pandemic splashing through a wedding adventure. For many couples, 2020 was the year they made a big edit to their wedding plans. Some couples postponed their big day to another year while others adjusted venues, cut their guest list or went with a whole new look and feel for their celebration.

For these 10 couples, getting married during a pandemic taught them major lessons that they will carry with them for years to come. Here is the number one piece of advice these pandemic newlyweds have to share for anyone out there on the wedding planning journey.

Get on the Same Page

In every relationship, communication is everything. But planning a wedding when there’s constant change happening in the world makes the art of listening and talking a different kind of ball game. For Tiffany and Enver, communicating in 2020 during wedding planning meant remembering that they were on the same side.

“When you communicate, communicate all the way and remember that you are on the same side. Quarantine allowed a lot of time for rumination, but when we were open with our thoughts, we were able to not just get out of our heads but learn how each other’s minds worked. Now we can help each other even when we don’t realize we need it, just because we understand each other that much better.”

– Tiffany and Enver

Stay Flexible

As much as you have a clear plan in mind for what your dream wedding looks like, be open to switching things up if things don’t go as planned. Becca and Mike learned that having a wedding during the pandemic meant balancing staying true to what they wanted while also being flexible.

“Of course, we wanted the big wedding and the reception this year, but we knew we couldn’t have that, so we downsized and just had the ceremony because that is what was important to us. It was important that we got married, and the rest was all just a bonus. What I have learned the most is that you have to have a lot of patience and understand–that everything is going to get messed up, and that’s okay, because at the end of the day I was still getting to marry my best friend. I think that way too many people get caught up in the big extravagant wedding ideas, which don’t get me wrong I wanted that too, but when you’re forced to not have those things, it makes you look at getting married in a different way. I am blessed that I was still able to get married on the day that I wanted to, but there were a lot of obstacles in my way.”

– Becca and Mike

Keep Your Date If It's Important to You

If you’re set on a certain date to be the day you get married, don’t let anything stop you. Alex and Melodie felt compelled to get married on a certain date at a certain venue. They did what they had to do to make that happen.

“Don’t wait if you don’t want to. In fact, use this time to be creative, plan something meaningful and do it surrounded by the people that matter most to you. So many couples are feeling pressured to postpone or put off a wedding altogether, but we tend to forget who the wedding is for, and that’s for the couple. So, make a memorable and special moment, and don’t wait if you don’t want to."

– Alex and Melodie

Abandon the Idea of Perfection

Pandemic or not, the idea that your wedding will be perfect is one big myth. Something always goes wrong and it’s always about how you deal with those pop-up challenges. Erynne and her husband got married in September. While it wasn’t the perfect day, it was a moment that meant a lot to them.

“Don’t get too wrapped up in the COVID wedding being the perfect day. There was definitely some heart ache knowing we needed to be safe and keep the attendees at the courthouse to a very limited bubble of friends who were being safe during COVID. This caused some hurt feelings from other friends and family that we normally would have wanted there, but just couldn’t safely accommodate given the current circumstances. Once we were able to get into the headspace of the COVID wedding being our placeholder for hopefully having a big celebration down the line, it made it a little easier to deal with the hurt feelings and sense of loss at not being able to have the things you imagined for the big day. Most of our friends also had to postpone their wedding plans, so that also made it a little easier knowing we weren’t the only ones.”

– Erynne

Lean into the Difficult Moments

While figuring out how to change your wedding plans last minute might feel difficult, going through tough moments as a couple can be one of the best pre-wedding challenges. Crystal is glad she and her husband have gone through difficult moments together, because they learned even more about each other before their wedding day.

“Whether it be random (like a pandemic or a death in the family) or chosen (a trip where neither of you speaks the local language), be sure you've been through something that pushes you both out of your comfort zone. The reason this is important is that things like a pandemic bring out the best and worst in us, and it's important that the person you're spending the rest of your life with can work with you during the hard times. People can make a lot of promises, but it's not until we see each other when we have very little left to give each other that we can see who we really are as a couple.”

– Crystal

Make the Best Decisions for You & Your Fiancé

It can feel challenging to stay on course when you plan your wedding and the people around you try to give you advice. For Katie, learning to trust her ideas and make the best decisions for her and her fiancé was key.

“Stick to your guns, make the best decisions for you and your partner. My husband and I decided to still get married on our original date despite my in-laws being super against it at the time, now they’re glad we did it. Do what is best for you and your relationship but please keep your guests in mind. Maybe you can legally have a wedding with 100 guests right now, but should you be doing that? Will your guests actually come? Keep that in mind too and if you really want to get married, get married! The party can wait!”

– Katie

Determine Your Must-Haves

Before all the details of your wedding give you a headache, the best thing a couple can do is come up with a list of things they both agree they want at their wedding, no matter what. For Chelesea and Anthony, that meant sitting down early in the process to determine the three or so most important items they cared about as a couple.

“For us, pre-COVID, it was community (our family and friends), symbolism (reflecting ourselves in the event) and food. Even if we couldn't deliver on one of those items (it's hard to send a fish dish through Zoom!), we were always able to work our way back to our vision, even when it came to cutting things that seemed important at the time.”

– Chelesea and Anthony

Let Go of What You Can’t Control

Nobody was able to plan for a pandemic to interrupt their wedding, which means if you had to change plans, it can feel extra frustrating. Caitlin advises couples to give yourself time to grieve and let go of what you can't control when you’re ready.

“So many things went wrong before our big day. Once I had cried it out and was mad and sad for a few days, I was able to really enjoy my wedding for what it became. I didn’t even think about what the day was supposed to look like, and I hate to say it, but I didn’t even think about the people that weren’t there and I even accepted that two of my sisters, whose workplaces didn’t allow them to come weren't there.”

– Caitlin

Think About the Big Picture

Even if the wedding you planned pre-pandemic looks nothing like your actual celebration, it’s important to always keep in mind the “why.” Jessica says that even though she and her fiancé got engaged in February 2020 and started planning an October wedding, the universe had other plans.

“I'd always wanted a small wedding, so it's interesting to me that because of the pandemic, we ended up getting married in my mom's backyard in August with about 15 people there in total. Careful what you wish for, I guess! It was not at all the wedding we'd planned, and it was wonderful. I think no matter what size wedding you have, there is going to be some source of drama (for us, it was paperwork and also making sure that everybody could be safe). What helped me stay calm was taking a deep breath and remembering the big picture: I was marrying my person and that was really what mattered.”

– Jessica

Be Ready to Pivot

For some couples, who tied the knot early in 2020, their wedding wasn’t interrupted by the pandemic, but their time as newlyweds was completely shaken up soon after. Shireen experienced that only two weeks after her elopement.

“After our elopement and honeymoon, we returned, and everything had been shut down. I lost my job. We were overwhelmed and newlyweds. We hadn’t even fully discussed finances yet. We made it back to our hometown, and settled into a home and had to figure everything out faster than we anticipated. This year has taught us what it’s like to truly listen and hear; observe and react; discover and provide the needs of each other; pivot and re-design.”

– Shireen