Process All the Details

It can feel like a mad rush to get started on figuring out all the details of canceling a wedding and trying to get money back from vendors. But instead of jumping right in, take the time to process all that you’re experiencing and feeling. You’ve just experienced the ending of a relationship. Spend time grieving, processing and sorting through all of the feelings. Ending your wedding plans can wait. Focus on you first.

Ignore the Questions

As people close to you start to find out about the break-up, they’ll inevitably become curious about what’s happening with your wedding plans and wonder when you’re going to officially cancel them. Rather than feeling like you have to answer all the questions being tossed at you, know that it’s okay to ignore them at first and share that you’ll be in touch soon with updates. Don’t feel required to immediately put out a public statement about what’s going on. When you’re ready to answer these questions, you will. Until then, accept that you don’t have to explain it all to everyone all at once.

Get on the Same Page with Your Ex

If possible, communicate with your ex about how you’d like to approach the end of your wedding plans. You want to get on the same page about how to handle the situation with any vendors you’re committed to working with, the money that’s already been spent and how to share the news with your guests. Depending on how willing they are to work with you, these next steps can determine your game plan. If they are willing to work with you on this, great. If they want no part of it, proceed without them.

Contact Your Vendors

As soon as you’re ready, speak with your vendors. For the majority of them, it won’t be the first time they’ve had a couple decide to cancel a wedding. See what your options are when it comes to recouping any money you’ve already paid. If they are set on not giving a refund of any kind, propose alternative such as helping to find another engaged couple to take your spot with them on your wedding date or using the money you paid them for a service in the future. (Example: the caterer to provide food for a family holiday later on, etc.).

Recoup Any Expenses

Look at what you’ve already spent money on and see if you can get any cash back by selling those items. If you’ve already bought your wedding dress or decorations, post those items on message boards or wedding resale websites to see if someone will buy them from you. You might not make back all of your money, but even a percentage of it will be better than holding on to a pile of wedding items you don’t need.

Settle the Bill

One big way to get closure is by settling the bill with your vendors and ex-fiancé. Once all outstanding money is paid (that you’re contractually obligated to pay vendors) and your ex-partner has evenly split everything with you (if both of you agreed to pay for the wedding), it will feel easier for you to walk away and officially cancel the wedding.

Take Time Drafting Words

Before sending out notice that the wedding is off, spend time writing out what you want to say. You don’t need to share much. You can keep the message short and simple, telling guests that the wedding is off and won’t be rescheduled. While you’re not directly stating that you two have broken up, it can be implied. Only share what you’re comfortable with.

Pick Your Communication Mode

Select how you’d like to communicate the message with your guests. You can send out a cancelation card in the mail or keep it easy (and cost-free) by sending out an email. Pick the communication mode that meets the time frame. If the wedding is soon, email might be best so that people can know ASAP and cancel any travel plans.

Send Thank You Cards

If you’ve already received gifts from your guests, you don’t have to send them back. You can keep them if you’d like. Send a thank you card and include what you’re comfortable including inside. If it doesn’t feel right, go ahead and send the gift back. It’s entirely up to you.

Get Someone Involved

This can be a lot to handle and it might be easier to have someone you trust help you. Ask a loved one to take on what you’re not ready to deal with. If you want them to send the email on your behalf, that’s okay. Sometimes having a friend in your corner will let you process and take action in a more organized way.