10 Things to Do If You’re Ready for Marriage But Your Partner Isn’t

Here are some ways you can navigate through this tough situation.

By: Jen Glantz

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10 Important Steps You Can Take

Navigating any relationship can feel like a challenge, especially if you begin to notice that you and your partner are not on the same page. There might be times when you realize you have different opinions, altering stances on topics, and are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to how you want to approach a decision.

One of those decisions might be around marriage. If you feel ready for marriage, but your partner just isn’t, here are 10 ways you can approach the conversation and moment in your relationship.

Take a Step Back

When you begin to realize that you and your partner are having different feelings about getting married, try not to feel overwhelmed with panic. Instead, take a step back and realize that this is quite normal. Relationships don’t have playbooks and people move toward different milestones and next steps at their own pace.

Understand Your Perspective

Begin to break down your feelings toward marriage. Ask yourself some important questions. What about the time right now makes you ready to tie the knot? Why do you think you are feeling this way? What kind of urgency do you feel toward getting married now? Thinking about these questions can help you define your perspective, which will make you prepared to have marriage conversations with your partner.

Define What Marriage Means to You

While we understand what marriage is and how it’s the next step two people can take in their relationship, everyone has their own definition of what marriage means. Without knowing this, it can be tricky to explain why you want to get married.

Write Down Specific Questions to Ask Your Partner

Before you approach a full-on conversation with your partner about their differing views when it comes to getting married, write down key guiding questions that can help you fuel the conversation. That way, it has purpose and won’t turn into a never-ending argument.

Follow Up With Open-Ended Questions

When you’re having this conversation with your partner, ask them follow-up questions when they share their feelings behind why they don’t want to get married right now. Questions such as: Can you tell me more about that? What do you mean by that? Asking open-ended questions are much more helpful than asking yes or no questions.

Listen to Their Feelings

Even though these conversations can carry a lot of emotion, try to stay level-headed and listen to the feelings of your partner. That way, you can grasp their perspective and truly let them communicate why they feel this way.

Speak to a Trusted Friend

It’s important to know that you’re not alone in this situation and it’s quite common. If you feel comfortable doing this, open up to a friend who can be your sounding board and someone you can vent to.

Seek Help from a Couples' Therapist

Being on a different page than your partner when it comes to marriage can feel challenging. Consider reaching out to a couple’s therapist who can help you both communicate and get a better understanding of the situation.

Decide on Next Steps for the Relationship

It might not be so clear when your partner will be ready for marriage. Either way, decide on how you want to approach the situation and the relationship going forward. Knowing what you want to do next will remove the weight of the unknown.

Be Patient

Even though it can feel hard, try to approach this situation with patience. While you might want to have these conversations fast and make decisions on your next steps in just a matter of days, these things can take time — and that’s okay!

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