What To Do if You Don’t Want To Make Your Sister or Your Future Sister-in-Law a Bridesmaid

Selecting your bridal party can mean making difficult choices

By: Jen Glantz

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Honesty is Key

When it comes time to decide who to include in your bridal party, you might find yourself overwhelmed. While the honor of being a maid of honor or a member of a bridal party is special, there aren’t any rules about who you have to pick. In the end, selecting friends or family who you feel will have your back, no matter what, will make for a supportive and encouraging bridal party.

So what happens if you know who you want in your bridal party lineup but your sister, or your future sister-in-law, didn’t make the list? Here are five ways you can handle that tough decision and situation.

Get Past the Guilt

Once you’ve made the decision not to ask your sister, or future sister-in-law, to be in the bridal party, it’s time to let go of the guilt. There’s no rule that requires you to include them in this way.

Think back to why you made this decision so you can provide yourself with constant reminders as to why your bridal party makes more sense without them in it.

Write Out an Explanation

Before you share the news, write down exactly what you want to say. That way, when you approach the awkward conversation with them, you are prepared and know how to navigate their objections or disappointment. You can share something like this:

"I wanted to share with you that I decided not to make you a bridesmaid. I made that decision because [fill in the blank] and instead, I’d like you to be a part of this special day by taking on [share the other honor you want them to take on]."

Practice saying this out loud so you feel confident and prepared breaking the news to them.

Share the News with Them Yourself

Even though it might be an uncomfortable conversation to have with your sister or future sister-in-law, it’s best to let them know ASAP that they won’t be taking on the bridesmaid honor. If not, they might plan things prematurely or assume they are part of the bridal party. Or, they might hear from another family member. This can make the situation more dramatic than it needs to be.

Once you’ve made the decision and written down your thoughts, schedule a time in the near future to share this with them.

Think of Another Honor

Perhaps this person had their eyes set on being a bridesmaid, however there are so many other honors they can take on to still be a part of your special day.

Consider asking them to give a toast at the rehearsal dinner, read a poem during the ceremony, or get involved with the bridal shower planning. Have a few suggestions ready to share when you break the news to them.

Ask Them How They’d Like to Get Involved

There’s a chance that your sister or sister-in-law will feel relieved when you tell them that they don’t have to be a bridesmaid. If they still seem happy to support you and don’t really like any of the suggested honors you offered them, ask them to share some ways they’d like to get involved.

Perhaps they are interested in helping with DIY decor or working with the caterer to curate a menu. Ask them to open up about what they’d like to do.

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