What to Do if You Clash with Your Mother-in-Law During Wedding Planning

Weddings bring out all different sides of people, especially when they're handling stress, emotions, and constant decision making. But what happens when one of those people is your future mother-in-law? Here are seven things to try if you and your mother-in-law are not seeing eye-to-eye.

By: Jen Glantz

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Press the Pause Button

Take a step back from chatting with your mother-in-law and doing any wedding planning at all. It may be helpful to put things on pause and clear your mind. Go for a long walk, take a relaxing bath, or just get comfy on the couch and watch your favorite TV show. When things are getting stressful and you’re unsure how to deal with a person who is a big part of your future life, it can be helpful to take a break from all things wedding to reset and plan out your next steps.

Break Down the Situation

Try to map out exactly what’s going on. If you and your mother-in-law are disagreeing a lot or you notice she’s overstepping and making decisions without even asking, it can be hard to know what to do. Write down a list of everything that’s going on with her, the conversations that were frustrating, and the moments that you felt disrespected. Having it all down on paper can help you visualize and see what’s really going on.

Keep Your Mother-in-Law Busy

One way to get your mother-in-law to stop jumping in and taking over your wedding plans is to keep her busy with a to-do list of things you don’t mind her handling. Come up with a handful of tasks that you want her to do (and don’t mind her doing them her way), ask her to take charge, and have her go after those things on the list. Hopefully, she will feel involved and get super passionate about those items and you can be free to focus on the things that matter.

Ask Your Fiancé for Support

Perhaps it’s time to call in some back up and get your fiancé involved. Ease them into the situation by sharing some things that have occurred and how you’ve tried to handle it all. Ask your fiancé to help you find a solution. You could even ask them to get involved and have a conversation so you can put this tension to rest.

Write it All Down

If you’d rather handle the situation yourself, spend quality time jotting down what you’d like to say to your mother-in-law. Have a productive, respectful, and organized conversation with her (even if she doesn’t reciprocate). The best way to do that is to revisit that list of situations you wrote down and find a concise way to emphasize your frustration over how those moments were handled.

Voice Out Your Feelings

Find the best way to communicate to your mother-in-law that you appreciate her time and knowledge, but you’d like to make some of these decisions on your own. If you notice that you two are clashing a lot, find ways to remind your mother-in-law (and yourself) that this wedding is for you and your fiancé. Let her know that her opinions have been received and you’ll be in touch if you need her for anything else in the planning process later on.

Explain Your "Why"

If your mother-in-law is trying to persuade you to go with her opinions and decisions, always remind yourself and her of your true "why." Even if your why is that you and your fiancé want your wedding a certain way, or that your favorite color is fuschia and you want your flowers to be that color too. When you don’t agree with someone else, it’s important to let them know that you want to go with your idea instead—and share the why behind it.

Remember, it’s your wedding and you have the final say. Try to explain that by backing up your reasoning so it comes across firm and friendly.